“Sometimes the door closes on a relationship, not because we failed but because something bigger than us says this no longer fits our life. So, lock the door, shed a tear, turn around and look for the new door that’s opened. It’s a sign that you are no longer that person you were, it’s time to change into who you are. It’s going to be okay.”
The breakdown of any kind of relationship is never easy. No one goes into a relationship expecting it to end. And no one imagines what it would feel like if someday all the plans you made for the future were suddenly stripped from you. It can feel like the world has fallen apart and the only thing that stands is the shell of who you used to be.
But once you get over the heartbreak (and trust me, you will) it’s like you all of a sudden can see in colour again. A sense of freedom you’ve never ever had before, not even before your relationship. You can invest so much more time into your friends. Into your hobbies. Into your family.
You can literally start from scratch and build your world up to be whatever you want it to be. You have no one to wake up and text straight away. So your first morning thought is never clouded by another person and their morning. You only have yourself and your day to think about.
You can plan what you want to do in a week, a month or year without having to worry about anyone else.
You save money you would’ve spent on gifts or dinner with them. No more worrying about fitting in your friends and social life around theirs so that you can actually spend time together.
All of a sudden, you have the time to figure out what you do and don’t want. What you do and don’t like.
At first it is a shock. It takes a lot of time and a lot of healing. But I am so grateful for every lesson I have learnt in this process, because it left me no choice but to find who I was. Find what makes me happy, and not rely on someone else to make me happy. It made me dig deep into my values and what I stood for as a person. It made me practice what I preach and project only my truest self.
I didn’t have to merge my values with someone else’s. I didn’t have to dampen my feelings to suit someone else. I didn’t have to worry what they were doing. All I had to worry about was what I was doing, and if I was happy in that moment. And if I wasn’t, I began doing something to work towards my happiness. And that is the most freeing thing in the world.
Leaving a toxic relationship is one of the most painful things you’ll have to go through. But when you heal, and you will heal – you will notice how every last detail had to happen. Every moment you replayed in your head that brought you pain, every time you felt worthless – this all lead you to find you and your values, and what you stand for and be the person that you are.
You don’t just wake up one day and ‘find yourself’. You find out who you are by going through the motions. Feeling happiness and sorrow. Gain and loss. Ying and Yang.
For anyone who is newly single – The world really is your oyster and you still have so much time to be whoever you want to be. Take your time, feel the pain and heal with it. Embrace the freedom and let it take you wherever you want to go.
“You will evolve past certain people. Let yourself.”
You’re free to be you now, and that’s the way the universe planned it to be.